I have spent my entire twenties waiting to turn 30. I've been almost excited to reach this milestone age, I never felt any fear at turning older and least of all turning 30. Right the way through my twenties I wished I was in my thirties - y'see I have spent this whole twenty time hating being just me.
As a bit of an introvert, I have spent most of my time being bit of a loner, I don't much like anything about me and have lacked any kind of confidence to get myself this life I was told I should be having: wearing the latest trends, having the body of a model, more friends and followers than you can shake a stick at, and have some sort of high flying, mega paid job and that's not to mention that I should be well on the way to being married and having kids. My twenties have been mixed - I'm not saying that I haven't had a good time, far from it, but I certainly haven't achieved what, dare I say it, people expect you too.
One of my friends bought the whole "30 things to do before your 30" list to my attention. It was completely new to me, I've never heard of this 'thing' before but it seemed like fun - making a list of all the zany, obscure and interesting things I should achieve by the time I'm 30. But it got me thinking: what is the point? I could easily make a list: I could want to jump out of a plane, go abseiling, run a marathon or even put on my list to have a baby, but why would I want to limit myself? Why should I proclaim to achieve certain things BY a certain age - do I really want to add extra pressure on to myself? I found that through my entire twenties I was striving for something, something that wasn't ME, something that I thought I should WANT to achieve when in reality I had everything I could and should want. The 'twenties' years haven't been kind on me, I felt pressured with things that I should be doing, and ultimately when I was sat there on a Saturday (instead of being out with my million friends) I just felt guilty that I was infact, a big fat failure. Why? Well, because the list says so.
My 30th birthday is in Feb, less than 6 months away. I get married in April... AFTER my 30th, I don't have children and wont be able to start thinking/trying until after the wedding and I turn 30 in less than 6 months time. I have a job but not the career I dream of and neither do I have a brand new car or a body of a fit 20 year old - I don't have ANY of these things and I am 30 soon. I could sit here and be sad, I could, and perhaps once I've finished typing this blog post I will go and drown my mouth in a bottle (or 2) in wine but realistically, I cant wait to reach the age of 30 and ACCEPT that I haven't done of those things, other than I GOT THROUGH being twenty. I hope to learn to love me and consequently then in turn learn to not care so much about the way I look, my lack of social skills, not having many friends and even the fact I'm just not that clever, most of all I cant wait to wake up and think FECK IT, I'm 30 and I can smile.
Perhaps a list isn't the key to achieving all you want...