I remember first meeting you and remembering just how in awe of you I was. I simply remember the sunshine that just used to radiate from you, your smile was hugely infectious and your warmth radiated from every pore. I never felt like I couldn't talk to you, despite how amazing you were. To me, you were famous, you were a star. I felt so stupid that first time meeting you properly, just sitting there and not properly being able to say too much to you and just grinning like a mad woman. We didn't meet though conventional methods and as the months went by, we used to laugh about it every time someone asked how we knew each other - but I liked it: our friendship grew more out of fate than out of purpose. You were every part of my strength. I leaned on you when quite frankly I didn't know where I was going, when things went out of focus you were always a text away. Never before did I realise someone knew exactly how I felt in life: that meant something to me.
You gave me so much more than I ever gave you credit for, or could ever pay you back. You welcomed me into open arms to your work, home and circles of friends. That one night? probably the best night I had ever had in my life - never before had I laughed so much, danced in bare feet and felt like I had a friend for life. You were an angel to me and one I miss daily. Every day I wish you were still in my life - that will never ever go away - but the fact is, I was never the good friend like you were to me. I was not worthy to have you in my life and it hurts because I only have myself to blame. I was thoughtless with your feelings, chaotic with my actions, unreliable in my plans, deceitful in my reactions and messed up in life, and I ruined our friendship. But what I want to tell you, is that I will never ever forget what you gave me in life: and that was a true friend - even if it wasn't for long. I hate myself more than you could ever realise and there is nothing on this human earth that could change the situation. But for me? there is not a day I don't think about you, read about and pray for all the best to happen to you, because quite frankly you deserve everything good in this world and I simply hope that happens every day.
This ode is to you my lost friend, you are and always will be my star in my life and I am sorry for everything.