There is no pictures in this post: no pretty drawings, photos or art that reflects the thoughts and processes going on in my head right now. Perhaps subconsciously, I want you all to read this post: read it for what it's worth and take it in. Maybe I want your advice or maybe I just want to share.
I have had a funny ol'weekend. Not sure I mean funny as in 'ha ha' but funny as in life. We all know that I sometimes suffer with being 'too much up in my head' well I guess this weekend could be described as one of those, although, at times there was some serious 'ha's in there too. It was ten weeks yesterday... ten whole weeks until me and my little #RunThisTown crew set of and do that 13.1 mile thing in the Great North Run. That same run that I sat and watched last year on my TV whilst wrapped up in my pj's eating a bacon sarnie.... in between mouthfuls of crispy bacon did I spit the crumbed words of 'I'm def doing that next year' well Sarah - you got your wish. Training is going, err, well. I say 'err' because some days I smash it so hard even I, have the up most respect for myself, whereas others I'd like to slap myself round the chops with the proverbial wet fish. I guess all runners have goodish days and big granny pants days and I'm trying my hardest not to let it get to me or my legs, easier said than done that.
I am running better than I probably ever have done - more focused and dare I say it, more strong. I am running with a better posture and feel I know a little bit more about my own poor technique. I cant say it's easy though. Despite my love for running, the pissing (literally) weather has been putting a literal dampener on my spirits, that being said all has gone well once my ass is out that god damn door (read: out of bed) My lovely on line network of #RunThisTown buddies have been there for me and well, I don't know what I would've done without our team leader Sam lately, always there for a cyber kick up the ass (thanks Sam) all in all, it's going ok. So, this ten week thing? it has launched a whole new kind of pressure on to myself: yeah so training is going well, and still I love everything about running but what I'm failing at quite miserably, is the pressure I am putting on myself. I don't have much to prove in my life to be honest, and all in all I haven't ever done anything in my life that I guess I can say I am 'proud' of, I haven't changed the world. Ten weeks yesterday and I find myself in a competition of two: me and getting sub2hours. Daft I know you're thinking, I think it to. But on my first half mara, when I chucked out 2hours 11mins I knew the next one had to be sub 2, no if's and no but's, it had to be done. And so, ten weeks.... ten weeks of training but ten weeks of pressure that I am lumping on myself. Why? I won't win anything, no prize money, no knighthood, but in my heart I will win. I will prove to myself that I can, Sarah Williams, do something that I really well and truly put my mind to - I don't do this often, but perhaps it will be the one thing... perhaps the start of many more things. And so, #RunThisTown is going strong - remember, if you are running the Great North Run and fancy joining us for support, get yourself over to Sam's page now.
Talking of running, I just want to mention a group or should I say groupS of people that continue to inspire me as a runner and as a person. A group of diverse and amazing people are part of a phenomen: RunDemCrew or for those who don't know them, they are quite simply a collective of creative and amazing people who all basically love everything about running and exchange and creation of ideas - they all meet once a week and let London know who's running their streets - they are. I'm not part of their group, they didnt pay me to write this, nor do they even really know me, but what I am is a back seat viewer to some seriously amazing stuff they got going on. Before I joined Team Bangs I'd always been a person of solitude, I used to do everything alone. I'm not a lonley person and nor am I a recluse but as some of you may or may not know I suffer horrendously with anxiety, meeting new people and generally learning how to be 'me' with other people, Team Bangs put me in a situation where I had to depend on other people, look to other people and gain information and learn from other people, something Id never experienced or done before. Run Dem Crew are pretty much everything of the above and them some: they are family to each other. I used to think of running clubs as those flappy short shorted albino white men who frown on anyone doing anything over than a 8min mile, I used to hate those clubs, hate those people and lo and behold: hate running. I've changed, I love running - it is well and truly part of me, some people 'say' it's their therapy, it is mine. It gives me an opportunity to sort out what is all consuming in my head - pleasure and pain. One thing that hasnt changed is my solitude, I run alone. Berkshire is hardly known for being at the forefront of running clubs: the two I know of are on opposite sides, neither one I will ever fit into. I don't want to join them as I'm afraid they will take away my love for running - I want to be with like minded people. What RunDemCrew gives me, quite simply by looking at their twitter, their photos, their experiences is I gain so much from them about the running world and running it the normal way. RunDemCrew is 'there' for it's members - not just once a week, but all the time. It's real, and it's family. I will continue to follow them from afar and wistfully hope one day, that type of club finds it ways to the sticks where I live but until then I feel like I should thank them for making me want to be a better me.