This weekend has been one of changes with intense building work going on in the house has been the least of my worries, however with no access to a TV and zero plans meant that I spent a little bit too long upstairs, and I don't mean upstairs in my bedroom, I mean in my head. Am I the only one who spends a little too much time up in their head? I sometimes find myself drifting that way and sometimes I even choose to, to give myself some thinking time. With changes around me, I usually find myself giving it the whole 'evaluating life' thang.... nothing as drastic as 'why am I on this Earth' nah, that's a wee bit too heavy for me, but just general things: concentrating on things that I aren't happy with, or things I'd like to change,whether it be with myself, or around me and this weekend it seemed my energies were focused on my wardrobe.
I try not to class myself as a hoarder, but when it comes to clothes I am, and always have been, under the impression that I will 'grow into it' or more aptly, 'I will slim down into that' - hard truth to admit but it's being getting worse over the years. It's a safety net to have those clothes hanging there: all pretty, beautiful, clean, fresh, never worn... the virgin's of my wardrobe. It doesn't have to be new clothes, oh no, over half of the 'IWSD' (I Will Slim Down) clothes no longer fit me but once did. I'm not even sure why I do it, it started as something to look forward to, something maybe to keep me focused. But do you know how long I've had those clothes in the wardrobe for? Over two years. yeah, I know. What started as a form of focus, is now a form of torture, a reason to look down on myself every darn day, knowing that despite the clothes looking all shiny and new, I cant wear them because I am too big for them. The same thing happens everyday... I open the wardrobe, pick them up, realise, then put them back and self judge all day long. No more.
With every moment I opened the wardrobe the clothes would grin at me, they knew, I knew. I was cheating myself, there was no way on earth I was going to fit in them or get back into them - I wasn't going to wake up one day suddenly able to slink myself into them - that just doesn't happen (why God, why). I was tired of this - sick of feeling down on me and my perfectly able body - there is nothing wrong with me, I work as a human, it was the 'IWSD' clothes that didn't work. So meet my friend the box. yep, that brown box is my future. In there is every item of clothing that no longer fits me, or never has done, some have tags on them, some worn only once, but either way they are going in.
Taping the box up and placing it in the loft is a bit like an end of an era for me, and today, my first day in two years have I opened my wardrobe and seen the choices of clothes I do have that do still fit my 2 stone heavier frame. Granted I don't like the frame I'm in, but the box has given me some serious clarity. This box of tricks wont be coming back down until I can comfortably fit into them. It's exciting, I know that I get a whole new choice of clothes, dream clothes, when I get my ass into gear and get my beloved body back, the way I was. For me, it isn't bout measurements, scales, figures or people's opinions about how I look, it's how I feel deep inside of myself, and I know where I'm happiest. I feel a new sense of calm and happiness about me... all from a box, simples.
Has anyone of you got clarity through doing something so small?