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Friday, 21 March 2014

What was once....

Every time I step in the door when I get home from work, I don't dare look right. When I head towards the back door I never focus on this one area.. It is the elephant in the room, the un-talked about, the 'dont look directly at them'... what am I talking about? My trainers.

I've spoken before about my fitness loves and ultimately my love affair with running. It started all with Team Bangs on The Run - going from a complete NON-runner to someone who was running 4-5 times a week, someone who could crack out 8 miles after work - I loved it, it was me and ultimately I was sodding FIT as the proverbial butchers dog. However, fast forward to 2013 and this year and well, me and my trainers and running for that matter haven't joined forces. There is no grand reason as to why I haven't laced up, stepped outside and got with the sodding programme and just ran, no injury, no illness - just me. I am barely someone I recognise now, I find excuses in EVERYTHING as to why I shouldn't go out and run , which is weird as guess what I LOVED RUNNING. Is there a possibility me and running have ended out love? possibly not.

I get running pangs. Every time I refuse to look at the pile of running trainers by my back door I feel a sense of wanting, longing and sadness that actually, no, I cant quite bring myself to actually step out the door and run. So instead of building up the courage and just going, I walk past, shut my eyes, and walk away. So why don't I just get on with it if I want to run? the fact is I have left it a year since I've run properly, admittedly I have run little bits but nothing like I used to, and this has left me extremely unfit. I walk too fast and my legs hurt and I get a little sweaty and out of breath - I feel utterly let down by this person I have become. It doesn't even feel like me, someone has stolen my identity, my body is not my own, I am in a no fitness mist that is not clearing. I feel embarrassed - I used to bang on about running ALL THE TIME, and now if ever a conversation turns to running I shy away, I feel sick to talk about it, I feel ashamed... WHO AM I NOW?



I've been wondering for months WHY I don't just get back out there when ultimately it's pretty darn simple - its running, y'know one foot in front of the other, but the truth is I am so stupidly scared. I am scared by how unfit, I know I am going to be shocked that when I attempt to run I wont be able to run further or longer than 10 mins (I used to run for an hour at a time) I'm scared about going out in public in my running gear, I'm scared and embarrassed the excesses I now have on my body will simply bounce around too much, I'm worried I'll get too red, I'm worried the people who know me for running will be shocked at just how unfit I really am..... I feel in a running hole, one that is terribly lonely and one that has made me feel a little bit ashamed of my body and the way I look.

I'm hoping that by maybe writing this I might pluck up the courage to get 'back' to where I once was.. or do I throw the trainers out completely and admit defeat?

Have you ever been stuck in a non-fitness rut? 

Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Turning 30 continued... what you thought

As promised (and being horribly delayed) following on from my turning 30 post HERE , here are some of the views of people I know who have or are about to turn the elusive 30.... The '30' event has happened for me now and more on the 'aftermath' later, but it was really interesting for me to read about people views on turning this milestone age... was I in the minority?



First up in Emma Jones - a girl I've known for a number of years who is married with the most loveliest family, a woman who has always seen to be completely control in her life and loving it:

"I remember when I turned 30 I was in Malta on holiday, I felt sad that morning and I kind of felt like I had to grow up now life in my 20s was over, I layed by the pool and looked back at what I achieved over the years marriage children etc and thought I wasn't ready to grow up yet and so decided I may possibly grow up when I'm 40 if I feel like it, It's safe to say I celebrated in style and in the end didn't feel so bad about being 30"

Next is a very close friend of mine Emma Keen - I've known Emma since our school days together, and I have the up most respect and love for this girl. A woman who I look up to in many way of career and attitude, her views on 30 made me smile:

" I have to admit I have always quite looked forward to turning 30. My 20's were amazing fun, not without the odd down but I am thankful to say mostly ups, but I know I started my 30s as a much more confident person. I have a great career that I hope is only going to get better, people no longer disregard me because they think I am too young. I actually spent a lot of my first few years in work wishing i was older and actually being happy when people thought I was older than I was!
 I have an amazing husband who I was lucky enough to marry in my 20s. Our 30s are just another opportunity to have even bigger and better adventures together! 
Friends are getting married and popping out kids at a rapid pace of knots, each one a new little person to get to know, and a great excuse to buy lots of cute impractical stuff! But wonderful to see and to share with their amazing times too!
So, I love being 30, just as I will also love being 40 and 50... And by 90 I hope to be the same as my nana arguing with taxi drivers and putting the world to rights.
Bring on life I say!"

Next up is the very lovely and talented writer Sophie Eggleton. A talented presenter, music/fashion editor of Culture Compass. Sophie has a really interesting take on the prospect of turning 30, one that I still do agree with: 

"I won’t divulge how far away I am from 30, which I think alone says a lot about how I feel about landmark birthday, aka DOOM. Till now, where possible, I have been vague about my age, saying I’m in my twenties, or when pushed to be specific, my late twenties. When I enter the next decade I will have to say I’m in my thirties. THIRTIES!! Even typing it makes my heart sink. When I was a teenager I remember looking at people in their thirties as ‘other’. They were a different species - un-relatable, grown up, past it, boring etc. 

My mum would always say how fast the years fly by and how she has always felt the same age inside. She would talk of the horrible shock when she saw the ageing face frowning back at her in the mirror. I’d make some sort of dismissive sound whenever she said it, naively thinking it would be different for me or that it was too far in the distance for me worry about. But, she was right (aren’t they always?). I still feel like a scared, vulnerable kid inside, but see a face etched with years of stress and sun damage, with sad eyes and a body with less tight/high lady shapes. 

So first lets concentrate on the aesthetics of ageing. I now curse my ‘I’ll worry about it later’ attitude. I have worshipped the sun. In fact, I have striped down to my scanties and dashed to the garden to bask at the mere hint of access to Vitamin D. In my defence, it wasn’t in pursuit of achieving the perfect orange hue, but hoping that the heat of the rays might have the affect of lasers in clearing my acne ridden skin. The reason is irrelevant. The reality is that my skin is now uneven and discoloured and destined to have the texture of leather. It currently exists with a slightly softer pleather feel, but I acknowledge my eventual fate.  For years I have also ignored advice to use heat protection on my hair, so my formerly thick mane is now brittle - think Worzel Gummidge. I have a deep indent in-between my brows formed from years of confusion over boys and general grumpiness. I had always been able to eat what I like and not put on weight (thanks in part to aggressive IBS), but now I have a stubborn doughnut of chub that surrounds my belly button, a bottom that now resembles the Blancmange pudding from my first school dinners - all accessorised by what look like road maps drawn on by a child using an old biro thanks to my array of thread veins. 

Before I digress into an essay about all the things I loathe about myself, let me get the point. In my twenties have always been a bit of a prude in terms of my dress. I would always wear tights over bare legs, I’d never show much boobage and wouldn’t dye my hair. I’m not saying I should have dressed like Aguilera during her ‘Dirty’ era, but maybe been a bit more confident about showing off my body, during what will probably turn out to be its prime. I have started to let go a bit in the last year. Thanks to BLEACH LONDON my hair has been pink, orange, and peach, which for me is proof of letting go a bit. 

For me though I don’t think my issue with getting older is to do with the superficial. I think my negative obsession is because I am not where I wanted to be at my age. We all set life goals or at least like to picture where we will be, what we will have, and what we will have achieved by a certain point. I am currently living at home, trying to save money to eventually buy a house with the fella. Of course I am grateful that I am able to do this and on the whole it is pretty nice actually. The problem is it is impossible not to revert back to being a child in some ways, and you have to sacrifice a certain amount of independence - something that is meant to be a given during adulthood. I also think I have developed a certain amount of bitterness because my lack of progress in terms of life steps because it has been hindered by events out of my control (ill health). 

Friendships are challenged during this age bracket too. Most of my close group of girlfriends didn’t go to university, instead grafting in their jobs and settling down with their partners.This has meant that many of them have houses, husbands, and children. We are at different life stages - with different priorities, passions and anxieties. This has had an obvious impact on our relationships. Our schedules no longer coincide, making it hard to all get together for cathartic gossip sessions like we used to. We like to spend our down time in different ways - some live for weekend clubbing, for others that is a past-life activity and couldn’t be less appealing. Some are ‘enjoying’ the single life and the freedom and sauciness it offers, others are dealing with mortgages, getting their boilers fixed and sharing how many times they’ve been sick-ed up on that day. What I am trying to say is some of your closest friends drift away, become less regular fixtures in your life, or simply can’t relate to your life anymore. Luckily, on the most part I’ve found your mutual care and love for each other wins out and you find each other again. 

Of course I have had some wonderful and positive l experiences in my twenties, but unfortunately by overview of the decade is clouded with stress, tragedy, heartbreak and regrets. So I am trying hard to use the gloomy mist as a reason to embrace my thirties. I will try and look at it as a fresh start, a new era, and an opportunity for growth. I will try and look at my twenties as the trial and error decade - the years where the mistakes happened - an invaluable education if you will. 

I am not saying I won’t slip up some more in the next decade, in fact I know I will. That said, I will be able to make some more informed decisions by drawing on wisdom gained from the last ten years, and perhaps I may be able to become that ‘old’ person that offers useful advice to twenty somethings going through their inevitable wobbles. I see some early twenty friends tweet things that they think people want to hear. They exclaim that they have musical preferences or opinions that they think will appeal to the group they want to be accepted into, or that will make them ‘cool’. I am past that stage - I am happy to admit to so called ‘guilty pleasures’ and embarrassing loves, habits or views. That said, I still have that need to be liked, and probably care too much what people think. I will work to rectify this  in my thirties. Perhaps this will happen naturally as my priorities change. Well anyway…here’s hoping this will be THE decade. Wish me luck!! 

P.S I advise doing something that makes you feel alive. I have a bungee booked for April 20th!"

I think for me, what surprised me was how positive people were about turning 30 and how surprised I am in myself how much I WAS excited to the feelings I felt nearer the time - my excitement had passed and I was left with was dread. Have things improved SINCE turning 30? massively... More on that tomorrow.

Whats your views on turning 30?

Thursday, 6 February 2014

That turning 30 thing..

So, it is my birthday on Sunday (9th Feb) I am turning 30. Back in August I published a blog (HERE) about the lack of things I have achieved in the run up to my 30th birthday and actually how I felt that it was ok and how I was looking forward to it... truth is, I am wrong.

With my 30th only around the corner I cant help but feel a massive loss for my twenties, oh how I wish I had tried harder, saved more, moaned less and loved me more, and now with that impending number just around the corner I cant rewind time and boy oh boy, do I know that. I am in the midst of planning my wedding, which is a great, happy,lovely thing HOWEVER, me turning 30 before this momentous occasion makes me sad. I DID have a vision for myself, and that vision was to be fully settled by 30 and with that I hoped my inner confidence would flow - I have neither of those things and despite no one else putting the pressure on, I cant help but feel I have to answer to me and I feel let down.

I have been speaking to people ALOT about their views on turning 30 and ultimately many of the people that have already turned into this age bracket, say it is not that bad and in fact their life is in a good place - I love this and I truly believe that their life IS like that, so why can't I accept those feelings for myself? I have so many things to look forward too AND life is very bright, but seriously, turning 30? I cant seem to handle it.



Would I feel better if I had the things that I thought I hadn't achieved? possibly. In truth I feel an utter guilt that I did indeed almost waste my twenties by being THAT girl: the self-conscious one, the one who couldn't accept my looks and my personality and was always striving to be something I'm not. I spent those entire 10 years worrying what others (friends, relatives, strangers) thought of me, it was a competition in my eyes, I never felt like I had friends because I wasn't as good as them, or was worthy of a true friendship - a silly thing to say I know but ultimately I was HOPING that by 30 I was more 'secure' in me... am I? no.

I have chosen to let this birthday go un-noticed, I'm not having a party, nor do I have anything planned - I want to bring in this new chapter in my life in calm, in quiet and with myself, perhaps this is the time to reflect on myself, my new aims, my new goals and how to look at improving myself to make me happier in my next adventure.

Over the next couple of days, I am going to be publishing some 'turning 30' views from various people I know which makes for interesting reading and for me, inspiration, but I'd love to hear your views: have you turned 30 and was it all it cracked up to be? are you worried about this milestone? do you feel the same as me?

Thursday, 30 January 2014

I wanna be one of them...

I'm not going to lie about it, I well and truly want to be a Boden-ite. Some of you may or may not have heard of this made-up terms, it loosely means  that I want everything Boden, yes every single item of clothing.

Over the years my style has changed and dare I say it, with my 30th Birthday just around the corner (9th February) I feel I have a reached the classiest stage of dressing. No longer do I feel suited to the likes of Topshop and their ever shortening tops, nor do I wish to walk around hitching my trousers up, pulling my skirt down and worrying whether Im gonig to fall over in my platform shoes - I have turned the proverbial STYLE corner and find myself inexplicably drawn to class rather than the more zany. So why Boden? come on.. every looked in their catalogue or swooned online? I literally cannot get enough of their styling.

Boden screams Britain, and whilst I'm not overtly patriotic when it comes to Britain and style - this is the brand to keep you going. Our rather lovely land is not known for it's hot,sunny weather, instead preferring to be a little bit unpredictable (us Britons are CRAZY) and Boden fits with this combination oh so well - with outfits and styles to suit pretty much any weather, any occasion and any mood.

I regularly find myself licking through their catalogue and pretty much longing to be one of their models, or alternatively living the Boden life - it looks good right? Great marketing and PR it may be, but hey, why should I NOT sell into that lifestyle - life is challenging enough, there is no harm in a little dream right? This new season Boden has inspired me to go crazier with colour - ditching the black and opting for a more new take on the classic style. This is a look and brand I whole heartedly jump on board of.

Still unsure of Boden? Well, here are my fave pics which I know will complete any type of style and wardrobe







Head on over to Boden to check out their latest collection and even grab a bargain with their 20% deals!

Are you a Boden-ite?

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

The pink coat trend... does it work?

Every year there is a trend that hits both the catwalk and the High Street that everyone and their mother goes doolally about - this season the pink coat hit the headlines. Now being a sceptic about most trends that crop up every now and then, when I heard that a pink coat was something that everyone HAS to be wearing I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Lets get this straight: I haven't worn a candy coloured coat since roughly the age of 4, I am now 29.... yeah, you see where I'm coming from. But still, after opening every glossy mag a newer, fluffier, sweeter looking pink coat stared straight back at me, could I possibly get away with this?

Choosing the RIGHT kind of pink coat was a tricky one: for me, the more sweeter, baby pinks are NOT a good look, I am not 4 and I'm not into Barbie, plus my normal wardrobe colour palette doesn't contain anything as sickly sweets to match, I was looking for something that was perhaps, a little more grown up. Enter La Redoute, now their take on the 'pink coat' trend is a step above the rest.



A little less stream-lines than most coats, a little less PINK than most of the trend and a little more cooler is probably the best way to describe La Redoute's Double-Breasted Boxy Coat. I'm not going to lie, when I opened he packaging my eyes nearly fell outta my head and my dear OH done a roll-the-eyes kinda thing ("not another trend Sarah") with trepidation I got changed into a more suitable outfit (a onesie doesn't cut it) and put it on. I'm not really used to a more casual fit of a coat, but I really loved the rather sophisticated look it gave me - sophisticated... in pink??? is that possible? well yes! The pink was exactly the right kind of pink for me, being a 'must-wear-black' all the time type of girl, it was nice to team a colour popping item to me and my face! I loved it! The texture of this coat gives it a whole new dimension and makes the coat seem, I don't know, more wearable?

Stepping out in the coat was a scary thing for me - I am wholly used to teaming my poor beaten up parka with everything and to my surprise the coat done what most coats normally do (keep me warm and dry etc) but I loved wearing something that felt slightly more sophisticated and dare I say it, ON TREND! I have since been teaming my pink coat on day trips, night trips and mostly stroking it everytime I walk past it in the hallway, I think, yes, I think me and my pink coat trend are getting along like a house on fire all thanks to La Redoute!

Have you tried the pink coat trend and does it work on you?



*I was gifted the coat thanks to La Redoute, however all views are my own and yes, I really do love the pink coat trend*

Wednesday, 22 January 2014

Wednesday style wish..

This Wednesday I mostly wish this was my style...Jennifer Aniston. Man, she's so cool, classic and boy, does she love a jean - for me, you can't fault her laid back style, but also her ability to turn the glamour on when needed! I have major hair envy and quite frankly, I want to be her friend.













*sigh*

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Things to buy in: February

Hasn't January been THE longest month ever, I'm pretty sure its been going on for the last 2 months right!? and with another 2 whole working weeks before the elusive first pay day of 2014, things can seem a little, how shall I say, DIRE.

Fear not, once pay day is here, it'd be rude not to treat yourself just a little to get yourself and your wardrobe feeling a little more sprightly! Here are my top picks on what to buy in February:


1 - The new jean - Printed rose skinny jeans £28 Dorothy Perkins
Another new way to wear your jeans. Now I know they might seem a little childish, but teaming with some high court shoes, a pastel coloured baggy jumper and you are good to go.
2 - The mixed print midi skirt - Spot and chevron skirt £125 Whistles
Normally a classic style that suits most, this skirt from Whistles is a great addition to your wardrobe - with a mix-match print this could work during the day for work, or for evenings out with a contrasting colour heel and clutch.
3 - The tailored trouser - Bistro crop trouser £53.10 Boden
A good tailored pair of trousers will literally do you for life. Make sure they fit on the ankle and team with a nice sized heel. To help bring the tailor trouser up to date, try wearing them in this mad colour - not for the faint hearted!
4 - The Hologram bag - Bank hologram satchel £22 Bank Fashion
I love satchels at the best of the time, and this one, well just look at it! I want to team this bag with boyfriend jeans, some white brogues and a heavily knitted jumper.
5 - The new heel height - Limited Edition metal heel court shoe £29.50 M & S
I cant get away with wearing too high heels, that all too familiar burning sensation just doesn't do it for me! These heels are mega cute and easy to walk in too! keep your eyes peeled, I have a feeling these will be everywhere!
6 - The 'dangly' earring - chandelier earrings from £8 Chelsea Doll
I'm not really an earring kinda girl, but I have fallen in love with Chelsea Doll's range of neon, coloured earrings. 
7 - The printed shirt - Dots and stripes shrunken shirts £34.95 Gap
I love a good shirt: easy to team with jeans, trousers or skirts. This version of Gap is a great option to layer under a jumper - throwback from school
8 - The Fine knit jumper - Fineknit jumper £14.99 H & M
If you buy one thing, let it be this jumper. It comes in a multitude of colours and really is your fail safe. make the jumper sparkle by teaming with a statement chunky necklace.

There you have it! What will you be buying in February?

Monday, 20 January 2014

The New Year 'giving up'

That statement isn't right... New year, giving up? Well yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. Y'see in the New Year, it should all be about starting new things, experiencing amazing, and feeling all renewed - I dont feel any of these things so this is why I'm giving up.

YES, I am giving up alot of my vices. I dont smoke, and I dont really drink, but for me, my life's pleasure comes from eating... and eating alot of all the wrong foods. That's not necessary a bad thing, but when eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner it can be a little bit of a problem. So what am I eating that's wrong I hear you ask? Well, processed. I am Queen of the ready-packed, ready-made, highly processed, 'good to go' food. I claim I have no time to cook, to prepare, to chop, to serve a proper home-cooked meal but in reality I am 100% lazy. I never used to be yknow, man, if I was t show you pictures of when I was a svelte size 8, running to and from work, and cooking nothing but steamed this, that and the other - I am almost angry at myself for getting like this - I dont even know this person!



Eating the heavily processed food is a bit like taking drugs... I guess (I've never done them just so you know) the more you eat, the more you want and the more you want well, the more you eat. I have been stuck in this particular fatty circle for a while, and whilst I'm not what you would call obese, I am most definitely not healthy on the inside, which is where it counts right? With a rather severe sugar addiction, I'm a big believer in the latest reports about how bad refined sugars are - I have been suffering with the urge to eat these type of sugars every day and lo and behold, if I dont get it I suffer from what can only be described as major come down/ wihdrawal: headaches, moodiness, being snappy.. the list is endless. If ALL of the above wasn't enough, how about me being on yet another faddy diet. Yep, I am most definitely one of them. I have been on Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Slim Fast, a juice only detox, the maple syrup diet... is that enough? and yet, here I am, 10 years later, bigger than I ever once was, eating probably the worst type of foods and feeling horribly awful about myself and my eating habits. So what am I doing?

Eating normally.

Two words.. simple. For me, I need to learn how to eat normally. No more cutting out carbs, oils, fruit, and food, now is the times to fall back in love with eating the right things. My sense of eating three meals a day has all but disappeared - I tend to just snack throughout the day, or starve myself other times - that is not normal. All I want is to be eating:

Breakfast
Lunch
Dinner



Perhaps a light snack inbetween, but I want to be normal around food - after the faddy diets, the way I think of food is screwed. I'm reading a brilliant book that came highly recommended, called 'In Defence of Food' by Michael Pollan. The tag words for this book pretty much say it all "Eat food, Not too much. Mostly plants" Michael Pollan writes that us humans used to know how to eat well, but the balanced dietary lessons that were once passed down through generations have been confused, complicated, and distorted by food industry marketers, nutritional scientists, and journalists- all of whom have much to gain from our dietary confusion. It's a true realisation that real food is fast disappearing from the marketplace, to be replaced by "nutrients," and plain old eating by an obsession with nutrition that is, paradoxically, ruining our health, not to mention our meals. It's a great book for resetting what I already believed in.



For me, the time has come to ditch the fads, I cancelled my Slimming World subscription, and through out the New Year juice detox diet I tried to do - enough was enough. This year is eating simply - with fruit, with vegetables, and most of all I'm going to enjoy every second as to WHY and WHAT I'm eating. It's been 20 days of eating new and clean and I love it - I still enjoy the odd treat and I certainly don't restrict myself, and the reality is, I feel SO much better. I have so much more energy, my mood swings have all but disappeared and I feel alot more me!

Am I the only one to have lost their way to eat 'normally'

Thursday, 9 January 2014

Wedding Planning: Confetti throwing

With the 'big day' not that far around the corner, I'm starting to get stuck into the nitty gritty of wedding planning, the fun stuff, the little bits and pieces which are often overlooked by most, but for me - I LOVE.

So, confetti. Anyone here like it? I sodding love confetti at a wedding, I mean come on, how often do you get to throw something at two people at it be ok? Ok, so I'm not talking about throwing apples at these people, but still, it's a fun thing to do and I kinda like this tradition. I've been looking at different ways to incorporate confetti into the wedding. I'm not sure how I feel about the tradition of throwing rice (rice makes me think of curry so you understand) and I def dont like the idea of the tri-colour horse-shoe confetti (too 80s) so without any inspiration I've been searching online for some quirky and pretty confetti options. Here are my faves


I love these simple cotton confetti bags to fill with whatever you want. It also makes a nice keepsake for the guests. These are priced at £2.10 per bag from NOTHS


Weddings are the perfect opportunity (and socially acceptable) to get things made personalised! These really cute confetti could be used to sprinkle over your tables for the wedding breakfast or on the table with the cake. These are from Etsy priced at £6.24 for 36x jumbo hearts.

I just love the look of these really unusal petals. Called Bougainvillea, these petals are larger than most normal and can look when thrown in the air as they catch he wind rather well and look really pretty when used as a room decoration. These are sold by Bespoke confetti priced at £8.50 per pint

I thought these quirky designed map table confetti was a brilliant idea and really different! These are from NOTHS priced at £2.95 for approx 100 pieces.

Yeah, I couldnt resist these bunny confetti and yes, it may not suit EVERY wedding, but look. at. them. It's BUNNIES! These are from Etsy and priced at £2.03 for 150.

I just love the look and idea of these photo cones. These are really easy peasy to make too - simply make a collage of all your fave couple photos on to an A3 piece of paper.Then cut the photos into 15cm squares, roll into a cone shape and glue along the inside edge - ta da! then all you have to do is finish with a bow and fill with petals! 

There are some fab ideas for wedding confetti now that makes me even more excited and with so many options, you don't have to just 'make do' with the traditional and not as attractive. There is something about making the decisions for these smaller things that make me even more excited for my big day, and with only just over 3 months to go I have to hop to it and get things sorted!

What do you think of confetti at weddings?

Wednesday, 8 January 2014

A belated Happy New Year

So, yeah I know I am 8 days late, but hey, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Can you all believe that Christmas came and went, 365 days have passed and yet here we are, in 2014!




2013 was a crazy year: a year that was full of surprises, realisations, happiness, sadness, tears, alot of laughter but alot of time to be contemplative about my life, the world, people around me, I have nothing bad to say about the year at all, and the one stand out memory for me, was getting engaged to my partner of 10 years on my Birthday - it was pretty much the stuff dreams were made off (you may vomit now) and it was the biggest surprise (despite being together for 10 years) 2013 was a year of change in home life but also a chance to realise a few things also - I wont bore you with the ins and outs but I can safely say that heading into the new year of 2014 I have a fresh new mindset - and working on being a better person.

This was the year that instead of writing resolutions I would instead, replace it with goals. Something to aim for, make it small, almost easy to do, and then cross them off the list to move on to the next. It's a year of getting stuff done. Of course one of those goals was to eat healthy, or better still learn how to eat again. After nearly 10 years of faddy diets that, surprise surprise don't work, half the time I'm not even sure what to eat and how to eat. It's a year to get back to eating 3 meals a day, cooking fresh food, giving up the pre-packed processed food, and forget the snacking (be gone cakes!) however this is all easier said than done, it's going to take hard work re-training my brain.

Another goal was to 'be there' and 'make more of an effort' This past year I havent really been a good friend, or even a halfway decent friend, been wrapped up in myself and my life and never really spent the time to be THERE for someone else. Yesterday, 7 days into this goal, I found out that someone I cared alot for, had passed away by taking her own life. I am beyond devastated and gutted. This woman had taught me alot about myself by being very honest with me, I hadn't been a very good friend to her in the last year and now it is all too late, yesterday was a poignant day and one that will stick with me forever.

I have many other goals planned for 2014 and by Jove, I'm going to make sure they all get done, but mostly this year is being appreciative - for life, for love and for everything in between.

I hope all of you had an amazing Christmas and this New Year - feel blessed for everything you have and make this a good year.

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